The shift that changed everything for me (and might shift something for you, too).
As we step into a season so often centered around gratitude and giving, I keep hearing the same quiet truth from leaders with whom I work, and maybe it resonates for you, too: they’re already stretched too thin.
The calendar is packed before the month even begins; the inbox won’t slow down; the emotional labor of leading, delivering, supporting, and showing up doesn’t pause… just because the holidays are around the corner. The irony here is that this season is supposed to feel reflective, joyful, even restorative… yet it can feel like just one more thing to manage. I want to address this because high-performing leaders are exceptional at holding space for others. However, very few have been taught how to hold space for themselves.
You show up; you deliver; you inspire; you carry…you’re the one upon whom others rely entirely. Yet, when you’re tired, depleted, running on fumes… You still find a way to push through, because that’s what you’ve always been conditioned to do, and you’re used to holding it all. So let’s name this, step back for a moment, and let this sink in—just because you can carry it doesn’t mean you should.
I know, because I’ve lived this.
Not long ago, I had one of those days – the kind that sneaks up quietly. I was preparing to take a few weeks off to recover after knee surgery, and I had slipped into overloading my calendar. My Zoom fatigue was real, and that hum of quiet pressure was ever-present. You know the one – it lingers behind the scenes, especially when you pride yourself on being on top of everything. Midday, I walked into the kitchen to refill my water… and found myself pulling out the vacuum. (Yes, stress-cleaning is one of my tells.) From the other room, my partner looked up and gently asked, “Are you okay?”
Reflexively, I said what so many of us do: “I’m fine.” But he paused, looked at me, and said, “Babe… you’re stress-cleaning. Would you like a hug?” I almost said no. I felt the “I’m fine, I just need to vacuum because the floors are dirty” rise. But I caught myself, and I took a breath, and I realized, I did in fact need a hug…and I said “Yes.” That one small act of receiving shifted everything. I sank into it and I softened. We then stepped outside into the sun for a few minutes, and he listened as I named my stress (and vented!). We then played with our dog for ten minutes, and I reset.
When I came back in, I didn’t just return to work; I took a few minutes, reassessed my priorities, timelines, and triaged needs, and decided to make some intentional shifts:
- I cut meetings from my calendar.
- I handed off more to my team.
- I gave myself a full, nourishing weekend.
- I let myself be supported.
I caught myself wobbling and sliding back into old habits, and I chose to course-correct. This reminded me of something I already knew, but had forgotten: My energy is my edge.
Not my output.
Not my time.
Not my performance.
My energy.
If I don’t protect it, nothing else works the way it’s meant to, and this was evident after I returned from a long weekend where I rested and enjoyed myself. I came back on Monday feeling energized, with some new creative ideas flowing through my mind, and with some things taken care of that I had delegated to my team (so the momentum continued behind the scenes while I took an intentional pause).
We talk a lot about time management in leadership, and what we often overlook is how closely our time is synonymous with our energy management. Especially for high-functioning, service-driven leaders, if we do not have balance and alignment around our time management and calendars, we can easily feel like we can never get caught up —and we are also depleting our energy. That’s a slower, deeper kind of drain. We feel it deeply, and over time, it costs us more than we realize: clarity, creativity, decisiveness, presence, and joy.
So many of the leaders I work with don’t even realize they’re operating in a constant state of low-grade depletion until they pause… if they pause. It can be hard to identify, because everything still “looks” functional; the performance is there…But underneath?
A shorter fuse.
Decision fatigue.
Fewer ideas.
Less spark for the work that once lit you up…and feeling chronically overwhelmed.
That’s the quiet cost of over-functioning; it doesn’t always roar, sometimes it just… dims.
But here’s what I want you to hear:
Letting go—just a little—isn’t weakness… It’s wisdom. It’s knowing the difference between control and capacity. Sometimes, it looks simple:
- Canceling a meeting that no longer matters.
- Saying no—without apologizing or over-explaining.
- Delegating a decision and actually letting it go.
- Accepting help before you hit a breaking point.
- Letting something be “good enough” instead of perfect.
- Taking a breath before automatically saying, “I’ve got it.”
None of this means you’re not capable. Quite the contrary, in fact, it means you’re choosing to lead sustainably. When you build a support ecosystem that matches the size of your vision, whether it’s an aligned business partner, a strategic Executive Assistant, or a deeply trusted team, you reclaim energy you didn’t even realize you were leaking. That’s when you begin leading from a different place; not from your edge, but from your center.
So if you’re feeling a little stretched, a little tired, a little too relied upon right now? Let me offer you the same reminder I gave myself:
You’re allowed to receive.
You’re allowed to soften.
You’re allowed to pause—not as a luxury, but as an intentional and essential leadership choice.
You don’t have to lead on empty.
You don’t have to hold it all…and maybe… just maybe… that’s where everything starts to shift.
If you’re ready to explore what the right support could look like this season and into the new year, I’d love to connect with you.
